Worries.

Just like anyone else, a lot of things in life worry me. I know in a lot of cases there is nothing real to concern myself with, but it's still there. Hiding beneath the surface, attacking my mood whenever I allow it.

Most who know me don't see me as the worrying kind. I tend to keep those sorts of things hidden from view. But one person sees it all to clearly. My wife.

She supports me, and she does her best to alleviate the worries I have. But let's be honest, you just can't shake worrying.

One of the things that worries me the most, is how my wife views me. I know that she sees me as her protector. She sleeps with a night light if I'm not there. It's cute really.

But, how does she really view my bisexuality? She was not the least bit surprised when I came out to her, and knowing what she did, she made the difficult decision to stick to our marriage when it looked all too close to failure.

Tonight I was very much "in the mood" and I made it known. She told me that she would just rather not tonight, and that she would like to just cuddle in bed.

Honestly we don't have problems in that arena, but it upset me. I can't shake the worry that she finds me repulsive. I'm constantly worrying that our intimate life will cease, or slow down so much that it may as well not exist.

This worry is probably baseless, but the idea is of little comfort.

I feel like a jerk. I shut down to her, didn't allow her to lay her head on me as she fell asleep, and after she fell asleep, I went straight to the couch, and here I sit typing.

I know I need to talk to her about it. Communication IS key in a marriage after all.

I wont bother her about it tonight though. In all likely hood, she will wake up as soon as I walk into our bedroom. I'll just give her a hug and a kiss, tell her that I love her, and that I'm sorry. I hope she understands.

Although it worries me, I have no reason to believe she wont understand. She really is a unique woman.